Most parents, even those whose children tend to succeed academically, have had at least one bad experience meeting their child’s teacher. Not many parents eagerly anticipate Parent Teacher Interviews [PTI], but for parents of children with some type of learning challenge, the experience is often fraught with anxiety, anger and blame. There are many reasons for this. For example, a parent may not yet be ready to accept that there is a learning problem. Some believe the school is not doing enough to support their child’s specific areas of weakness. The list is non-exhaustive.
Teachers do not seem to have much training in conducting PTI; they may never have learned to present areas of weakness in an accepting, positive manner. Many parents admit they avoid their child’s teacher because he/she had only negative things to say. It is understandably hard to listen to negative criticism about one’s own beloved child. Teachers, on the other hand, express frustration at times; they find some parents do not take their expressed concerns seriously enough. Some are exasperated; they continually and unsuccessfully attempt to demonstrate to parents what tasks the child is unable to perform. Miscommunication results in negativity on both sides.
Turning Negative Perceptions Around
One way for parents to begin to communicate more effectively with teachers is to put judgment aside and take a risk; trust that teachers usually have the best interests of children in mind. This is genuinely so in the vast majority of cases. Even if one suspects the opposite, acting as if you believe in the good will of the teacher oftentimes leads to a more positive outcome.
A mother of two teenage boys with ADHD quietly listened as a teacher unleashed a litany of her sons’ negative behaviours. “They can’t sit still; they won’t pay attention; they never finish their work in class; they never have the right books or equipment.” She nodded, and when it came time for her to respond, she turned the negative perceptions around. She remarked, “You have just given an excellent description of how hard it is to have ADHD and cope in a regular classroom. Imagine how frustrated they must feel after a full day of school.” The teacher was speechless.
The mother “reframed” the issues; the focus moved from blaming the students to acknowledging their difficulties. After all, one does not talk about a person who is blind as being someone who won’t see, or someone with a broken leg as a person who won’t walk. While it is important for parents to accept that their children may have specific challenges, it is just as imperative to consider ‘weaknesses’ as ‘areas needing support.’ “He won’t…” is a comment which carries a much more judgmental tone than “it is hard for him to…” The subtle difference opens up the opportunity for profitable discussion; reframing paves the way for parents and teachers to work as a team in finding solutions to problems.
There are times when parents believe something is wrong, but the teacher disagrees. Generally, parents are correct, and it is advised that they insist on some support. After all, parents know their children best. It is ill advised to accept the concept of “waiting a while” or to sit back on the notion that “everyone progresses at their own rate.” It is better for parents to go with their gut feeling and insist on either a consultation or a full evaluation. The earlier a problem is detected, the better the outcome. Even a few weeks of struggling can harm students’ self esteem and confidence, and can result in avoidant behaviour that s difficult to change.
Prepare for PTI beforehand
It is very important to prepare; have your questions ready. Make them as specific as possible.
Try your best to carefully listen to what the teacher has to say and not become defensive. Both parties have the best interest of the children in mind. Teachers want their students to be successful, productive and, yes, happy in the classroom. Ask the teacher what tasks the child enjoys and is most successful at. Find out what skills the child has yet to develop and inquire as to how you might follow through at home. Share strategies you have used and find most helpful with the teacher.
Let the teacher know how long your child spends on homework (excluding the whining, moaning and procrastination). If homework has become the infamous “battleground,” inform the teacher. Tell him/her how long it takes and solicit the teacher’s advice as to how to improve the situation. Most teachers claim they do not give much homework. However, having two or three different teachers handing out work adds up; the work can become overwhelming. Some teachers explain that they only assign work that was not finished in class. Unfortunately, for students who find the task very effortful, each item typically takes much longer than it does for others. A task that others finish in 15 minutes may end up taking 45, leading to total exhaustion. It may be a good idea to ask the teacher to prioritize by starring those questions or tasks that are most important, so the child may attend to those first and then see how much time is left.
When children experience learning challenges in school, it is beneficial for parents and teachers to build a working relationship and establish explicit ways to communicate with one another; to form the beginnings of a workable plan. This may take the shape of an IEP, or simply an informal system for helping the child progress. When a child sees that a team is in place working together for his/her academic well being, he/she will be more compliant and less likely try and manipulate the situation to avoid hard work. It will become apparent to the child that both parents and teachers are being supportive; trying to help him/her overcome difficulties.
The PTI should be as practical as possible. Take notes. Document three or four specific actions the teacher and parent agree to put in motion. Then schedule a time for a follow-up meeting to discuss the progress; what is working, what has not been effective and what still needs to be done. Consistency in implementing a plan is the number one complaint from parents and teachers. Having the specific actions written down along with how they are going to be implemented would aid in lessening misunderstandings.
Important Questions To Ask Teachers:
Most importantly, demonstrate to the school that you are a willing and involved participant in your children’s academic life, and that you will be monitoring the progress and coming to the school for both support and suggestions as to how to help your child be as successful as possible.
Barb Bobrow, M.A.
Coordinator of The Learning Associates of Montreal
Teachers do not seem to have much training in conducting PTI; they may never have learned to present areas of weakness in an accepting, positive manner. Many parents admit they avoid their child’s teacher because he/she had only negative things to say. It is understandably hard to listen to negative criticism about one’s own beloved child. Teachers, on the other hand, express frustration at times; they find some parents do not take their expressed concerns seriously enough. Some are exasperated; they continually and unsuccessfully attempt to demonstrate to parents what tasks the child is unable to perform. Miscommunication results in negativity on both sides.
Turning Negative Perceptions Around
One way for parents to begin to communicate more effectively with teachers is to put judgment aside and take a risk; trust that teachers usually have the best interests of children in mind. This is genuinely so in the vast majority of cases. Even if one suspects the opposite, acting as if you believe in the good will of the teacher oftentimes leads to a more positive outcome.
A mother of two teenage boys with ADHD quietly listened as a teacher unleashed a litany of her sons’ negative behaviours. “They can’t sit still; they won’t pay attention; they never finish their work in class; they never have the right books or equipment.” She nodded, and when it came time for her to respond, she turned the negative perceptions around. She remarked, “You have just given an excellent description of how hard it is to have ADHD and cope in a regular classroom. Imagine how frustrated they must feel after a full day of school.” The teacher was speechless.
The mother “reframed” the issues; the focus moved from blaming the students to acknowledging their difficulties. After all, one does not talk about a person who is blind as being someone who won’t see, or someone with a broken leg as a person who won’t walk. While it is important for parents to accept that their children may have specific challenges, it is just as imperative to consider ‘weaknesses’ as ‘areas needing support.’ “He won’t…” is a comment which carries a much more judgmental tone than “it is hard for him to…” The subtle difference opens up the opportunity for profitable discussion; reframing paves the way for parents and teachers to work as a team in finding solutions to problems.
There are times when parents believe something is wrong, but the teacher disagrees. Generally, parents are correct, and it is advised that they insist on some support. After all, parents know their children best. It is ill advised to accept the concept of “waiting a while” or to sit back on the notion that “everyone progresses at their own rate.” It is better for parents to go with their gut feeling and insist on either a consultation or a full evaluation. The earlier a problem is detected, the better the outcome. Even a few weeks of struggling can harm students’ self esteem and confidence, and can result in avoidant behaviour that s difficult to change.
Prepare for PTI beforehand
It is very important to prepare; have your questions ready. Make them as specific as possible.
Try your best to carefully listen to what the teacher has to say and not become defensive. Both parties have the best interest of the children in mind. Teachers want their students to be successful, productive and, yes, happy in the classroom. Ask the teacher what tasks the child enjoys and is most successful at. Find out what skills the child has yet to develop and inquire as to how you might follow through at home. Share strategies you have used and find most helpful with the teacher.
Let the teacher know how long your child spends on homework (excluding the whining, moaning and procrastination). If homework has become the infamous “battleground,” inform the teacher. Tell him/her how long it takes and solicit the teacher’s advice as to how to improve the situation. Most teachers claim they do not give much homework. However, having two or three different teachers handing out work adds up; the work can become overwhelming. Some teachers explain that they only assign work that was not finished in class. Unfortunately, for students who find the task very effortful, each item typically takes much longer than it does for others. A task that others finish in 15 minutes may end up taking 45, leading to total exhaustion. It may be a good idea to ask the teacher to prioritize by starring those questions or tasks that are most important, so the child may attend to those first and then see how much time is left.
When children experience learning challenges in school, it is beneficial for parents and teachers to build a working relationship and establish explicit ways to communicate with one another; to form the beginnings of a workable plan. This may take the shape of an IEP, or simply an informal system for helping the child progress. When a child sees that a team is in place working together for his/her academic well being, he/she will be more compliant and less likely try and manipulate the situation to avoid hard work. It will become apparent to the child that both parents and teachers are being supportive; trying to help him/her overcome difficulties.
The PTI should be as practical as possible. Take notes. Document three or four specific actions the teacher and parent agree to put in motion. Then schedule a time for a follow-up meeting to discuss the progress; what is working, what has not been effective and what still needs to be done. Consistency in implementing a plan is the number one complaint from parents and teachers. Having the specific actions written down along with how they are going to be implemented would aid in lessening misunderstandings.
Important Questions To Ask Teachers:
- In what areas is my child most successful and happy?
- What types of tasks does he/she find most difficult?
- Why do you think he/she finds them hard?
- What have you found helps him/her most?
- Is my child being offered any accommodations or modifications?
- What can we, at home, do to support our child?
- Is my child’s homework complete and done to a satisfactory level?
Most importantly, demonstrate to the school that you are a willing and involved participant in your children’s academic life, and that you will be monitoring the progress and coming to the school for both support and suggestions as to how to help your child be as successful as possible.
Barb Bobrow, M.A.
Coordinator of The Learning Associates of Montreal
